2013 - 2015 was one of the most rough years of my life..my Dad has been fighting for his life eversince until this very day and I'm happy that he is still alive. My grandmother passed away the time he almost did. After losing my grandmother and having his life on the line, my girlfriend was already dating someone behind my back at the time. I had an idea because it's easy for me to read by gut and she quickly took off and moved on to another man who had a better job, background and money.
How do you expect me to work at the time? I had a spinal injury that had to heal, didn't want to rush anything and let it all come to place. Lastly, taking care of my grandma while my dad was fighting for his life? It was a good experience regardless, the least I could do was take care of my grandmother who was bedridden and could barely even move anymore to find out she was going to die after all of that.
My whole life all I wanted was to be successful, it all began with stepping and using people to admit but my own team 'Dope Boy' - partly did the same to me. I always knew a few friends were toxic but chose to keep them just because they held talent and were better than me. It's all great today with the experience because I believe in holding many different personalities of all people we encounter in life. The worst part about this crew was they had no direction, everytime we had an opportunity they were unsure and just threw it away. Yes, we had a 10 year contract deal and a few opportunities for big shows but they just didn't want it as bad as a few of us. We wasted a lot of time with these people.
This was such a tough time, finding out that my fathers kidney's dropped to 5% functional, I was personally a wreck at the time. Including my team 'Dope Boy' crashing down, realizing who were the fake people and losing a lot of support that were actually a lie. I hated the world at this time, it's like you could not trust anybody anymore. It's like 'fuck love and everyone but the ones you could still trust'.
As the years passed by, we had a couple of invites to perform still and we were an incomplete unit in those events, choosing to continue with 'The Re-establishment' mixtape project even if I had lost heart for what I did. There was not much feelings and emotions that I could give to this mixtape but yet did my best to still finish it. There were quite a few interviews via video or magazine articles etc. The worst part of it all were the invites where they wanted the 'DBENT' crew but it was just DJ Mojito / MC Amaze and I left. It was such a pain to go through pushing for them to have us instead.
I had to cut off a lot of people in my life, realizing they were the ones that were slowly destroying me as well. Been told how 'I won't be happy without them', 'you can't get along with people, 'a lot dislike you', 'can't make it without them' and 'your friends are not your fans so don't expect them to support you because fans are different'
I was the one out there experimenting and pushed to meet a lot of new people who were surprisingly ok with me. For 2 years straight, from contests, performances and birthdays - these number of people grew. It's funny because when my birthday came, ironically the ones who you expect to be there aren't.
I realized one thing, 'love yourself and love will find you', be true to yourself and the universe will align what is for you. We can't please everybody but at least be who we want to be to attract people alike. This is such a strong tool once you learn it, but you are going to be willing to hustle day and night putting all the work to make this happen.
The struggle i'm going through now is still working a 9 to 5 job while doing a few freelance business related works outside. Yes I love to sell, meet and deal with people but what defines me as a person in Maslow's Hierarchy is the above, 'Self Actualization' when it comes to Music.
They say it's a risky road, but life itself is a risk - MC Jin said that 'The moment you are born you are destined to meet death'. Isn't that enough reason to realize you got nothing to lose trying because you have everything to lose? People tell me they hate their job but stay because it is stable. The only reason a job is stable because you learned the process, work 40% automated daily and just stay comfortable, stagnant. It's a lie when anyone says a job is stable because everything is a business, that mean's there will always be frontline's fighting to keep a business running. Everything has a chance to fail and it takes effort and dedication to make anything work.
Now it's 2016, I'm about to work on my first album, along with music videos in order to release it. Working on a new EP with my ex crew members who I'm still gladly with, DJ Mojito / MC Amaze and Veezy. Along with the new people and event companies who are supportive today. All I have to say is, I'm happy - positivity is a full time job, a choice. It's either we choose to see darkness and waste time or 'live today' because we will never know what we may lose. Time is the most valuable asset we have, use it at it's full potential and do not waste that bank account that drains itself everyday by midnight. You are like 'God', you can choose how to make situations happen - win or lose at least find out your answer so you never have to live with 'what if'. Thank you so much for reading if you are all the way here right now. Don't forget to follow me @SCFSAiNT via Twitter |Instagram | YouTube |SoundCloud.